Why I went away to work on my business and ended up working on myself
I am generally a very happy person. It is what I teach and encourage other women to be (and how to be it!) and believe it is such an important component to every day life. But I have my own blocks that can hinder and effect this daily happiness.
I wanted some freshness to work in, away from distractions and I needed a break so I decided to go to Greece for 2 weeks. A few nights in Athens along with some stays on islands in the Ionion Sea, including one week at a gentle, affordable retreat. So yes, I choose to pop the retreat in there as I knew I needed to do a little bit of work on my inner self (specifically the grieving of my dad – that was all) but no, the intention was not to strip back a layer of my soul each and every day.
Going away on your own is like stripping back to your core. It's just you, your thoughts, the ground you walk on and the air on your skin. There are no verbal distractions, time excuses, social elements to hide it. You are raw, bare, true.
Now, I have now learnt that you can not determine what ‘inner self’ work you do. What comes up, simply comes up and it’s kind of like a tap. The first tear is a drip, then it becomes a gentle stream down your cheeks and then boom, you are creating a god damn dam! I got some amazing work done - built my new website, did lots of writing, planned for the second half of the year - but inner work was what my soul was obviously craving.
I wanted to be better for the people around me and as I work with women on mental strength and inner self, I am always looking for way to improve myself so I can be a better leader and teacher. It was hard but beautiful. Painful but required. Exhausting but peaceful. Here is my story...
How did I (organically and unintentional) end up working on myself?
I had a few spiritual awakenings
Yes, sounds dramatic and you will maybe think I am loco (and I would have to a few years ago too) but I had some very strong messages come to me during my trip (one being a voice when I was half awake/ half asleep).
I developed the SEASALT plan because as an entity it is what a) saved me when my life crumbled and b) has enabled me to enjoy life fully over the past 2.5 years. For some reason I always thought that was the end of the road for me when it came to my spiritual path. That the plan, as it stands, would be what I practise until the end of my days. Silly me, of course it isn’t!
So I have now taken a step up in the spiritual realm (it's so hard to put this into words - you will just have to trust me on this woo-woo one). And I will be honest with you here, I get self-doubt. Self-doubt that what I have chosen to do now; that I don’t have the right to do it! But this spiritual awakening has shown me that I have come on a journey I know feel fully qualified to take other women on. I have actually just written a the SEASALT plan: Part 2 which is now what I myself will follow until my next spiritual awakening. This means my teachings will encompass the original and foundation of the plan with a knowing I can help smart women expand like I have.
I became whole (and immediately started craving a life partner)
It has taken me 2.5 years of being single to feel like I am whole again. And by that I mean, truly knowing myself again and having a level of contentment that gives me a strong spiritual core and authentic knowing of myself. The hilarity of this is, I had about a week period where I was like “Oh my gosh, this is great, all this work and I am here. So happy!” to “I am so ready to fall in love now and get married and have babies and argue over paint colour.”. Talk about intense (my poor future life partner!). So that has been interesting, but at least now when I meet the one, I know in my heart I am ready.
I realised, explored and confronted my blocks (which were not obvious ones!)
Wow, things get really raw when you are on your own and you have no social constraints - like people judging you if you cried - from stopping you from simply being you. I recently listened to a podcast where they spoke about layers of your soul; I definitely removed some of them. I finally figured out what that horrible feeling in my stomach was most mornings when I woke and came up with a plan of how to resolve. The revelations were emotional and filled with shame, frustration and regret, but they are out in the open now and I have realised gaining control and not ignoring them, is my plan of action. There is a stunning power that has come with this, sprinkled with faith, optimism and love.
I reflected on my relationships
When you spend a large amount of time alone, it helps you realise which relationships add value to your life and which no longer serve you. There are some relationships in my life that have been strained recently and I felt like I have brushed off the cobwebs on these and evolved with them.
And in terms of what is missing, I have never had a group of girlfriends, always many friends on a 121 basis, but I am really craving a group of girls (SATC style). Girls my age, similar situation (not settled) and wanting to explore the fun of life. Maybe it will end up being the women I work with on my programme, or maybe they will appear in the physical sense – whichever it is – I am looking to find my tribe.
I grieved and connected with the lost
Oh boy, did I grieve! This was the intention in my heart when I went and I definitely fulfilled it. This whole pool of tears I have been holding inside for 18 months, flowed out; constantly, without apology and peacefully out of my body.
My full moon ritual, an hour long in the dead of the night on a beach in the middle of the Ionian Sea, was a truly monumental moment. The release of pain that had been trapped for far too long allowed clarity on my feelings and next steps in life. Mother nature certainly cradled me in her arms that night and so many ways, and I will eternally be grateful for her holding that space for me.
So, in summary, I feel like am ready for the next chapter of my life. There is something wonderful in reflecting on the years you have lived so far. If I was to categorise my time, here is how I would do it...
teenager | development and education
19 – 24 | fun and free
25 – 29 | hard work and reassessing success
29 – 31 | rediscovering of the soul
32+ | love; in all aspects
It is my 32nd birthday in 9 days time. I am so excited for the rest of my life.
If you would like to discuss with me anything above that may have struck a chord with you, I offer free 30 minute sessions. You can book here. Shine on my lovely.