How to be single and not be scared to follow your dreams

Single? With dreams?

Since announcing the SEASALT plan, I have had several women, who I am newly acquainted with, ask me how supportive my partner was with building my business. Did he help me code? Did he run out and buy balloons for my filming when I was doing final edits to the website? Did he design my logo for me?

Do you really want to know how useful he was?

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The truth is. I don’t have a partner. And I haven’t had one for 18 months after I walked away from a 9.5 year long relationship. Yes, I have soulmates and family (who are geographically nowhere near me) and close friends/ soulsisters who are all exceptionally amazing at listening to me, giving me feedback, encouraging me and laughing with me, when I need rest-bite. But, no, I don’t have a male (or female) figure in my life who is physically by my side each and every day to support me – AND THAT IS OK!

For those ladies out there who are conquering their dreams and are in a relationship, or engaged, or share a family with a partner – good for you, it’s a really beautiful thing – I hope to be where you are one day.

But for now, for all those ladies who are single, independent, with no responsibilities and the world at their feet – don’t be scared. Don’t feel incomplete. Don’t feel like you have to wait for your second half to begin work on your dreams. You are in the privileged position of having full control of your time. Cherish that because when love does come along, it will be in shorter supply.

Here are my top five tips for single ladies with dreams

  • Get comfortable being alone

I see lots of single women making lots of plans because they don’t want to spend 5 nights a week alone. And then they become exhausted and end up making plans not because they really want to do them, but because they are afraid of loneliness.

Alone time is one of the most beautiful things a human can experience. It allows you to live your truth; repair, renew and rest. Start to get comfortable with it. Plan nights in on your own; gin and tonic, favourite magazine, podcast you have been meaning to listen to, bath, cooking your favourite dish, sorting your wardrobe, reading a book for a solid hour – whatever tickles your fancy.

Embrace being alone – it’s one of the most important lessons a single woman can learn.

  • Go with the flow of life

Ignore the “Have you met anyone yet?” “Are you really trying on those dating apps?” “They say that woman can safely have children up to around the age of 35…”. Ignore all those questions that float into your every day life from people who simple say them because it’s easy conversation.

AND don’t set yourself time limits. Don’t say “By 32 I’ll be living with the love of my life, 33 engaged, 34 married, 36 first child.” Don’t set yourself up for pain, just go with the flow of life and let happiness come and find you. It may be infuriating, you may get impatient – but it will happen my lovely, and it will be worth it.

  • Have no fear

Fear – one of my favourite topics. The strangler of dreams, the drowner of opportunities, the roadblock of desires. It’s taken me my entire life (I am 31) to remove emotional fear from my life (around 90% of it, I would say) and my loves, it is the most liberating gift you can ever give yourself.

Employ the phrase “What is the worse that can happen?” and be rational and true to yourself when answering this. Don’t dramatise outcomes that are almost impossible to happen (fear is winning again here you see).  You ask a guy if he is single? Worst thing…he says no, you blush and walk away. You start going on dating apps to get back into the world of dating? Worst thing...you go on a few dudd dates, drink a little more wine than you should to get through them, waste precious time when you could have been catching up with GoT. You tell someone you have known for a while how you truly feel about them? Worst thing...your friendship changes, maybe for better, maybe for worse.

In all those things you are learning, challenging, pushing, growing. You are grabbing life by the balls and squeezing every last drop out of it. You are creating a life where at the end of it, in your final breaths, you don’t need to mutter the things you regretted that you never did. You are living.

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  • Stop comparing

Geez, comparing your body/ lifestyle/ beauty/ intelligence/ style/ qualifications/ gel manicure to other people sure gets exhausting. But it is simply a natural part of being human, HOWEVER you can try and kerb it a little and stop it being so mentally draining.

YOU ARE RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE RIGHT NOW.

Keep telling yourself that until your believe it. And when you feel jealousy pop in over how quickly someone who graduated the same year as you has climbed the career ladder quicker or how good that woman in Pret looks in that red bodycon dress – don’t get jealous, get juicing. Squeeze every drop out of those encounters. Become inspired. See it as a mirror of how you want to be.

  • Have males present in your life

This is so very important. Make sure you have males in your life. They don’t have to be in a romantic sense. In fact, it is better if they aren’t. But have them in your life, talk to them, listen to them, learn off them, be inspired by them, comfort them, let them comfort you, respect and appreciate them and let them do the same in return.

Be open to a male perspective; a different tone of voice, alternative opportunities. Open your mind and you open your horizons. Fathers, brothers, cousins, bosses, flatmates, brother-in-laws, uni friends, friends of friends, colleagues. Allow them into your life and allow yourself to speak your truth amongst them.

You got it lovely. You got it.

Does this sort of thing interest you? Would you like to explore more on how to live a more fulfilled life and let go of worry and life blocks?

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Verity Brown